Children and Grief
Grieving children will often talk through or play out their concerns or fears if provided with a safe, supportive and creative environment, which is why we have dedicated a room in the funeral home to the children, designed especially for their needs.
When a child experiences grief, we are here to help you find the words to discuss death and dying with your child. Our staff is very dedicated the children of our community, and will take every opportunity to provide healing support and understanding to every child in need. At our funeral home, our Children's programs are very close to our heart and we hope that you will take advantage of them if the need arises in your family.
Please contact us to learn about the Children’s programs at our funeral home and in our community. If you have any questions, we are here to help in any way that we can.
One very important way to increase awareness of children’s needs is to dispel the myths that surround their grief.
Myths About Children and Grief
- Young children do not grieve. Children grieve at any age. Their grief can be manifested in many ways depending on their age, developmental stage, and life experiences. Children often do a very good job at grieving intensely for a time and then taking a break. The break is usually in the form of play. Adults often mistake a child’s play as a sign that the child isn’t grieving, which is just not true.
- Children should go to funerals. Children should not go to funerals. Both statements are myths. Children, even very young ones, should have a choice whether they want to attend the funeral. Each child handles their loss differently and should be allowed to grief as they wish. For their choice to be a meaningful one, they need information, options, and support.
- Children get over loss quickly. Adults never get over a significant loss so why should children? The truth is that no one really gets over a significant loss. We can learn to live with the loss and adapt to the reality that the one we love is no longer here, but we can never forget the intense feeling of loss. Children may revisit their loss at different stages in their development and as their understanding of the loss changes, their grief may arise again.
- Children will be permanently scarred by a significant loss. Children, like most people, are resilient. A significant loss can affect a child’s development but adequate support and continuing care can help them deal with their feelings of grief appropriately.
- Encouraging children to talk about their feelings of grief is the best way to work through their loss. It is important to allow children to talk through their feelings and to promote open communication. However, other approaches, such as art, play, music, and dance allow children to express their feelings.
Children and adolescents may use these methods to express their grief and adapt to their loss with a more positive outcome. Working through grief and adapting to loss is important for children. Studies have shown that children and adolescents that have unresolved grief are at a higher risk for developing depression and anxiety as adults. It’s important then that family members recognize the needs of grieving children and help them access the resources they need.
Below, please find a list of books available to help with the grieving process in young children, as well as information on the Children's Grief Connection.
I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm
Missing Hannah by Darlene Kane
Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
Dragonfly Door by John Adams
Flying Hugs and Kisses by Jewel Sample
Star Class (Special Time to Always Remember)
We offer a STAR “Special Time to Always Remember” Class as an opportunity to help children understand some of the events that take place during a visitation, funeral or memorial service of a loved one.
The program includes a coloring book that is read together, a picture frame craft to decorate, including a picture of their loved one and a personalized “memory star” to place during the visitation by the children. The class takes about 30 minutes and is available for children 3 years old and older.
Children's Grief Connection
Because children are so special, we are very proud to support Children’s Grief Connection, formerly known as Camp Amanda-Minnesota. Children’s Grief Connection is a nonprofit organization that works in partnership with Minnesota’s funeral directors to provide grief programs for children and teens who have experienced the death of someone important to them. It is specially designed to provide the support and information children need, in a way they can understand.
Founded and supported by members of the Minnesota Funeral Directors Association the Children's Grief Connection provides all its services and programs FREE of charge.
The Children's Grief Connection of Minnesota mission is to bring hope and healing to Minnesota's grieving children.
Fairview Youth Services
A free community service offered by the Fairview Health System. These services feature a range of grief support and education for children grieving the death of a loved one and for the adults who are caring for them. There are spring and fall grief series and Camp Erin, an annual three day bereavement camp for those between the ages of 6-17 years. www.fairview.org/youthgrief or call 952-892-2111.